when do you know when enough is enough?

really when do you know?
am i just pretending like everything is great with us, or am i used to you putting friends, and music, and bicycle riding, in front of me.

i get it, i can be a selfish person when it comes down to you

but it's just cause i want you, allll the time, i always want to be with you and it hurts when i can tell you don't want me, the same. it's hard to explain cause feelings are hard to explain but that's how i feel.
i don't like being put second or third or fourth, i like being first with you.

kuh kah

i think im going to delete my myspace.
i've been on vacation for quite a while now, just so happy and not worrying about anything until i found a way to get on the computer and what good did it do for me? none.
i felt all of a sudden like i was missing out on something and all the emotions i hate feeling came rushing back like a slap in the face. now i remember how i felt back at home, horrible and stuck.
none of you matter because i will be gone once im done.
not in a mean or hurtful way but in a realistic way.
why do i have to waste my time pretending to be nice?
i dont, so i won't be anymore, not unless i want to be.


there i said it.
:)

up and down, up and down.

it's just so crazy how things can happen,
the way people act, and react,
the way people love or don't.

it's all around, it's in you, and it's in me.
a reason for being happy is the amount of love you are allowed to give,
an endless amount.

be happy because of your love,
it's all you need, you know.

.

nothing has changed, like i had a feeling it wouldn't.
you're a joke.

.

you're a fucking joke.

it's been eight months.

eight months of ups and downs,
eight months of goods and bads,
but mostly eight months of :) and <3

eight great months, and hopefully many more to come.


------------------------------

i miss so many things, but i know they can't go back to what they were, cause i'm not as ignorant as i used to be.
i miss you, and i'm happy you slept over on friday, i love being with you and your smiles
i miss you, and how you were always there but now you're way to far away, i'm scared you won't reply if i say something.
i miss you, probably most of all, and the way you would make me fall to my knees and cry when i would sing your praises.


"returning nightmares only shadows
we'll cast some light and you'll be alright for now
crosses all over, heavy on your shoulders
the sirens inside you waiting to step forward
disturbing silence darkens your sight
we'll cast some light and you'll be alright for now"

breathe.

if you judge people, you have no time to love them.

-Mother Theresa