p//s

after i finished putting the whipped cream and chocolate drizzle very delicately on the hot chocolate i just made for a little girl my boss turned to me and said, "that looks great anabel don't ever let anyone tell you you're not skilled at anything."

:)
tehe.

1.28.08

i have confidence in you,
and i have confidence in myself,
but most of all,
i have confidence in us,
only cause it's called love,

anything else and we wouldn't exist.
oh gosh, i love you so much.
<3456789

for you, yes you.

i dont ever think i will be able to believe a single word that comes out of your mouth again, i don't understand what i did to deserve the way you treated me behind my back, and when i write that i mean only you knew, you were the only one who knew the truth. I don't understand how after i was there for you when everyone else wasn't, you even had to lie to more people about what was really going on with you but you said you told me the truth, i don't even know if i believe that anymore. the sad thing is, i overheard you on the phone the other day and you were exactly the same. calling someone to provide information about something that was private between you and someone else, someone who said your bullshit is hard to deal with. i don't understand why you did this to me, you hurt me so bad, i really thought our friendship was real and to hear about you going around telling everyone your sob story and telling them all of the little, nonsense, stupid, irrelevant lies you told me. i'm embarrassed and ashamed, and for all of the countless times i stood up for you when you didn't think i did. the truth is it was never my fault countless of people to the left and right of me would say things about you, it was yours, it wasn't my job to stick up for you but i did, and i guess i lied to them too. i feel like an idiot for believing you, it's almost as if i drank your words like water.

i hope you get help so you don't hurt someone as bad as you hurt me.

on october 16, 2008 at 11:55 you wrote:
"i'd be in trouble
oh i'd be in trouble if you wandered off somewhere with someone else
while i was left to wonder,
where you had walked without me by your side
not holding your hand,
even if i never knew you,
i still wouldn't understand
your worth it,
so worth it,
so very very worth it."

thanks for that,
and all of the others, they really make all the difference,
i love you.











p//s
suburban nightlife has a new song
check it out :)
myspace.com/suburbannightlife1

and i never thought this would be the outcome.

you're a dumb cunt,
sucks.

it's so odd

how you can hate someone so much for all the aching and mental damage that they have done to you,
but then you love them just the same for just being themselves, or maybe you love them because of the type of leash put on you.
don't do this,
don't do that,
never ever do this,
don't even think about doing that.
oh, how the list can go on and on and on.

of course, i don't deserve my say because i am not as "perfect" as you.
you are just too "perfect."

i think, it just might be too much for me.

:z

i take my license test tomorrow, ah!

the thing is,

you need to know when enough is enough and do something about it.
i know when enough is enough, the thing is, i don't want to move.
for once in a long time i was alone, like you told me i should be i guess,
it was kind of a date with myself, just thinking.
i liked it.

you're just so precious, thanks for the love.

I know that it is freezing, but I think we have to walk
I keep waving at the taxis, they keep turning their lights off
But Julie knows a party at some actor's West side loft
Supplies are endless in the evening by the morning they'll be gone

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend
I'll get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations
with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection
The mask I polish in the evening by the morning looks like shit

And I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss
So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it
But me I'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split
The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist

You're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black
Just keep going to the bathroom, always say you'll be right back
Well, it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad
But what's so easy in the evening by the morning's such a drag

I got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train
And if you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same
We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain
But what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane

And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did
It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
Cause what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is

It was so simple in the moonlight now it's so complicated
It was so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight
So simple in the moonlight...

one more for today

we had a short conversation, it was sweet and hopeful just full of hope.
i think it's all we need for now, at least for today.

shit son

i can never sleep without waking up at least four or five times in the middle of the night. my bad dreams aren't helping me out too well either.

you embarrassed me
and for some reason my body is unable to let it go,
at least for right now
maybe that is the reason for my nightmares.

it's crazy, the meaning.

"Riding on these waves
Holding on to what you say
Everything will be okay
it will work out one way

But I’ve drifted way too far
my arms my legs have grown too tired
And could you be inspired, now I’m just tired

And on a swing you push me hard
So I’ll come back to where you are
And you know I’m never far
No decisions nothing hard

And I knew that it would ring tonight
I’ll take the bus or the next flight
I won't give up on what feels right

If you see these tears fill in my eyes
It's just the wind that makes me cry
If you could feel this pain inside
It's from the drinks we drank last night
It's from the drinks we drank last night

The shadow of our past,
projects on clouds of dust and gas
The ones where my eyes will rest,
a silhouette of loneliness

If you see these tears fill in my eyes
It's just the wind that makes me cry
If you could feel this pain inside
It's from the drinks we drank last night
It's from the drinks we drank last night"

-"The Drinks We Drank Last Night" (Azure Ray)

you know what?

i wish you only the best, i really do.
i hope you can figure things out and be proud of who you are
and what you are hopefully becoming.
i know deep deep down that one day you will be the person you portray yourself as and once you do i don't think you will feel as lonely anymore. you know the loneliness you feel but don't let anyone ever know about? i can see it. you can't lie to me, cause i can see right through the act of nothing being wrong or broken, i think we are all somehow broken when we're babies, our parents seem to forget their lack of innocence. i wish you trusted me and shared with me, that's all i would ever want from anyone.
i love you and,
i wish you only the very best, i really do.

dear heyai,

thank you for picking me up from school today and thank you for making me laugh,
endlessly.

january 1, 2009

i had the best new years of my entire life.
i love my friends, and our late night trips to 7-eleven.
i love my boyfriend, and his kisses for the new year.
i love how your heart softened and followed me back home.