you're just so precious, thanks for the love.

I know that it is freezing, but I think we have to walk
I keep waving at the taxis, they keep turning their lights off
But Julie knows a party at some actor's West side loft
Supplies are endless in the evening by the morning they'll be gone

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend
I'll get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations
with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection
The mask I polish in the evening by the morning looks like shit

And I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss
So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it
But me I'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split
The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist

You're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black
Just keep going to the bathroom, always say you'll be right back
Well, it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad
But what's so easy in the evening by the morning's such a drag

I got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train
And if you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same
We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain
But what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane

And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did
It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
Cause what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is

It was so simple in the moonlight now it's so complicated
It was so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight
So simple in the moonlight...

one more for today

we had a short conversation, it was sweet and hopeful just full of hope.
i think it's all we need for now, at least for today.

shit son

i can never sleep without waking up at least four or five times in the middle of the night. my bad dreams aren't helping me out too well either.

you embarrassed me
and for some reason my body is unable to let it go,
at least for right now
maybe that is the reason for my nightmares.

it's crazy, the meaning.

"Riding on these waves
Holding on to what you say
Everything will be okay
it will work out one way

But I’ve drifted way too far
my arms my legs have grown too tired
And could you be inspired, now I’m just tired

And on a swing you push me hard
So I’ll come back to where you are
And you know I’m never far
No decisions nothing hard

And I knew that it would ring tonight
I’ll take the bus or the next flight
I won't give up on what feels right

If you see these tears fill in my eyes
It's just the wind that makes me cry
If you could feel this pain inside
It's from the drinks we drank last night
It's from the drinks we drank last night

The shadow of our past,
projects on clouds of dust and gas
The ones where my eyes will rest,
a silhouette of loneliness

If you see these tears fill in my eyes
It's just the wind that makes me cry
If you could feel this pain inside
It's from the drinks we drank last night
It's from the drinks we drank last night"

-"The Drinks We Drank Last Night" (Azure Ray)

you know what?

i wish you only the best, i really do.
i hope you can figure things out and be proud of who you are
and what you are hopefully becoming.
i know deep deep down that one day you will be the person you portray yourself as and once you do i don't think you will feel as lonely anymore. you know the loneliness you feel but don't let anyone ever know about? i can see it. you can't lie to me, cause i can see right through the act of nothing being wrong or broken, i think we are all somehow broken when we're babies, our parents seem to forget their lack of innocence. i wish you trusted me and shared with me, that's all i would ever want from anyone.
i love you and,
i wish you only the very best, i really do.

dear heyai,

thank you for picking me up from school today and thank you for making me laugh,
endlessly.

january 1, 2009

i had the best new years of my entire life.
i love my friends, and our late night trips to 7-eleven.
i love my boyfriend, and his kisses for the new year.
i love how your heart softened and followed me back home.